Friday, December 23, 2005

cross-posted from my personal journal

Dr. Helen: Excuse Me While I go Throw Up

Which brings me back to blogging. There is something refreshing about the ability to post one's thoughts and tout one's wares (such as documentary films, books etc.) over the internet while barely being able to hold a fork to one's mouth before rushing to the bathroom to throw up from some stomach bug you picked up from your kid's school a few days before. I wonder how many other bloggers are out there posting on a regular basis and keeping the world amused because it is one of the few outlets that requires little physical exertion? I could be wrong but it seems to me that if one is vibrant with good health and stamina, they would be out snowboading, skiing or just enjoying the outdoors. I know I would. Anyone else out there blog to distract yourself from feeling bad--whether physical or mental? It would be nice to know I had some company.

Amen, sister.

Seriously, it's the only thing sometimes that keeps me from curling up into a ball and giving up on everything. My dad likes to believe that if I cut back on connecting to people on the Internet that I will suddenly get better and get tons of stuff done. He tried to force his will on this matter when the kids and I still lived with them and you know what - never happened. I will go and do a few things and then I will curl up into bed and not move because I am in so much pain.

Right now, my lower back is pulsating and my head hurts. I did some cleaning in the kitchen and I'm typing up a few things while everything subsides enough to let me do more. If I wasn't sitting here reading other people's stuff, IMing a friend and typing this post, I would be back in bed, losing all track of time, with nothing to show for it.

Yes, my hands are tingling too and my arms are achy, but compare to the back at the moment, those are no big deal. That's the fun part of fibromyalgia - you're almost always in pain, so you kind of learn to ignore some of it. You can't totally ignore it, because it gets you back. Usually by denying you the ability to use your muscles. I sometimes have to curl up and not do anything because I lose my coordination.

To put it all into perspective. I get my B12 shots in the upper arm. I can feel the needle enter my skin and I never flinch. Compared to everything else, it's hardly worth noticing.

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